Coyote Moon (coyote_moon) wrote,
Coyote Moon

Thanksgiving. The death of a friendship

To keep a friendship, I needed to get up and go to church for Thanksgiving service. I didn't go. I woke in time, not early but in time that if I rushed I could have made it. But we drove through the night, arriving at 3 am, and my husband slept so soundly. I couldn't wake him. I couldn't go. Ironically, she was the reason we came in the first place. Now we won't see her at all.

The reason- she doesn't think we should be friends anymore.

The last time she told me this, I cried. She is my oldest friend. For the last twenty years, I've considered her my best friend. I couldn't imagine my life without her. But things change...

She's taken issue with me and my husband over things:
We aren't Christian scientists therefore we don't have the same values.
We flaunt our money while they are struggling to get by even though we gave them several large handouts
We live too far away and it isn't worth being friends

Then of course, we are horrible people because my husband refused to eat in their house because it was filthy. They took offense. We apologized and apologized and apologized. Now 5 years later it is still an issue in our friendship.

I have taken issue with things over the course of our friendship:
We decided to drive home for Xmas together but I found out a day ahead of time that she had bought herself a plane ticket and hadn't told me.
I asked her to be my maid of honor at my wedding, she asked me "why". Made me explain why I valued her friendship.
I told her about my miscarriage and she told me how much she had to pray during her pregnancy and that I just needed to pray some more.

I never thought friendship was about keeping score. It is a back and forth. Sharing. I tell you something and you respond. You share something and then I respond. I help you up and when I fall you reach a hand to pull me to my feet. Sometimes, issues run longer for one side than the other. Sometimes issues one party struggles with, the other doesn't. The value of friendship lies in the ability to bring compassion and different perspectives to an issue. If you are just like me, then one of us in unnecessary!

I know how she treats her family. If they differ from her, if they don't act the way she thinks they should act, she cuts them from her life. A surgical operation to eliminate. Purge those that do not conform. Her mother wants to drop by unannounced- shun her. Her father gets remarried, how dare he, shun him. My friends question why I eloped, shun them. I feel like I am one more casualty. I do not fit the mold. I fought in the past to prove my value. To prove that friendship was worthwhile, I cannot be the only one fighting.

So in the spirit of thanksgiving...thank you for twenty years of friendship and support. Thank you for good memories. Thank you for laughter. Thank you for sleep overs, camping trips, spring breaks, and girl talk. I will always be thankful for having known you for so long ,I wish you a happy, healthy life filled with blessings. All my love.

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